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Fuck this year. I can't take much more. But I have to.

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I am numb with shock right now.

My cousin Debbie just killed herself. This afternoon, she posted a long letter to our private cousins' Facebook page detailing that her husband has been abusing her the entire 20 years they've been married. It's gotten worse the past four years. He's a big Trump supporter and he's added that to the bullying. She included photos of injuries from the past several years. I saved them to my computer in case they get deleted.

My uncle Brad called her brother Mike, who called the police, who found her. Her husband had a gun and that's what she used. We don't know where he is right now. In her letter, she mentioned that he told her how to use it.

I don't know what to do. I knew she was having trouble. I didn't know the extent of it.

Please reach out if you're suicidal. My whole family doesn't know yet. They will be devastated.

I have nothing else to say. She was the cousin closest to my age (two months apart).

Fuck 2020. I don't know how much more I can take. We can't even go to the funeral because of COVID-19, and because Katie starts chemo this week and I have to be with her.


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